Thursday, October 17, 2013

The Pregnant Woman Random Thought Generator phenomenon

I hate the way my brain doesn't work when I'm pregnant. I forget things, I hyper focus on other's just not a reliable tool. I mean, if the activity isn't on my daily schedule, it just doesn't exist. One thing that I enjoy to do, mainly so I can laugh at myself later, is to jot down the random thoughts that pop into my brain a zillion times a day. The results are very Tina Fey in Baby Mama. Oh, you remember the scene: she's on a date with Greg Kinnear and she says that she dreams about random things, like an electric toilet. Yes....that's exactly what my thoughts are like. For your pleasure, I've even included the exact time I came up with that thought. Feel free to giggle.

-7am Wake-up: why was I dreaming about making grilled cheeses that could sing? I wonder if I ate one, then the baby could hear the sandwich in my stomach.
-7:30am: Huh. I don't remember making the lunches for the girls. Wouldn't it be cool if there was a robot designed to be a Mamas helper? I would soooo invest in one!
-8:30 driving  spawn to school: would you look at that? Someone left half a door on the side of the street. Ooh! Nice sidelights. I wish that door could talk and tell me where it had been. Isn't that a cartoon?
-8:50 having dropped off Pixy: seriously, how do these other moms manage to get dressed in designer duds with makeup on just to drop off their kids?! Ugh, I'm such a slob. At least, I smell good. Not that anyone is going to check.
-9:00 almost to Banshee's school: That cornfield doesn't look right. I think he alpaca farm next door is using up all the good corn and leaving the other stalks to dry up and look ugly. There's enough dry corn here to conceal albino-blonde scary kids in there. Oh God...why did I think of that now?
-9:25 dropped off Banshee: Dude, I seriously hope that the weird mom in her minivan isn't around. Nope. There she is. She isn't pregnant and she just missed driving into the bus by inches. What is going on with her? (By the way, she practically runs someone over daily).
-9:45 in the driveway: this child is bent on killing me. I'm sure he doesn't like me. I mean, dude, relax in there. I pigged out at breakfast. Surely, that will make you be gentle with me. Ugh.
-10am: I soooo don't want to wash all these damn cloth diapers right now. This boy will even wear the pink flowery ones. I am not buying all new ones for him.
-10:30 am while cleaning out the nursery: This baby will be here in a hot minute and nothing is ready. I'm still surrounded by boxes of junk that Goodwill won't want. If I throw everything out and start brand new, that will so solve my problems. Who can I get money from?
-11:15am: this is it!! The second my friendly neighborhood vamp asks me if I want immortality, I'm taking it. I'm getting old. Gonna ask if I can finish breastfeeding first.
-11:45 while picking up Banshee: I'm sure her teacher takes pity on me because she thinks I'm missing a few screws. I don't think any other Mom got a note reminding them there's no school tomorrow.
-12noon: Oh, it's lunch!! I'm so not gonna win the Mama of the year award, but if I make another Nutella sandwich for this child, I will go up in flames. Wasn't there a case of spontaneous combustion in TV just recently?
-12:30: I wonder if I really should write all these thoughts down. They're weird to me, even!! Huh. Will think on it.

The Pregnant Woman Random Thought Generator Phenomenon
What's going on? Sigh.
That's what the first half of my day is like. It's interesting, because I'm so not flaky and all of these thoughts are so unbelievably random. I just don't get it. According to the Sailor, I even talk about things in my sleep, which he has been recording for use later. Sigh..

Have you experienced the "Pregnant Woman Random Thought Generator" phenomenon? What are some of the random thoughts you come up with? Share and laugh...I mean, we know this state won't last forever, right? ;) 

Image courtesy of stock photos at created by Stockimage