Wednesday, October 16, 2013

"I Wish..." A Mom's Sarcastic Wishes

I wish...

I could have nice things. Those plates at Home Goods were cute. I bet they break in a lovely pattern when my 16 month old drops them.

I could schedule baths and bedtimes like I can schedule Tweets on Hootsuite.

I could walk through my house without shoes on. Right now I'm attacked by HotWheels cars but I assume my children will move on to Army men and Legos any day now.

I could see a schedule of when my children will do X. A crystal ball or magic calendar indicating when the toddler will be fully potty trained would help me maintain my patience some days ("Only 3 more months and two more days..").

All adults had the experience of taking a tired toddler to the grocery store. I bet it would cut down on the ugly stares you sometimes get when the three year old cries uncontrollably because we switched aisles. 

The parenting books called the ages of 3 and 4 "The Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde Days." You never know who you're going to get.

I wish the cleaning fairy was real. I mean come on, don't torture us with fairy tales. Why hasn't someone started a business called The Cleaning Fairies?!

"I wish..." A Mom's sarcastic wishes
Liz and the CuddleBugs
And finally...I wish my children would slow down and be my CuddleBugs for just a few years more. There's nothing better than a toddler snuggled in your lap with their favorite blanket saying, "I wuv you Mommy."

What do you wish for (funny or not)?