The Pregnant Woman Random Thought Generator phenomenon

I hate the way my brain doesn't work when I'm pregnant. I forget things, I hyper focus on other things....it's just not a reliable tool. I mean, if the activity isn't on my daily schedule, it just doesn't exist. One thing that I enjoy to do, mainly so I can laugh at myself later, is to jot down the random thoughts that pop into my brain a zillion times a day. The results are very Tina Fey in Baby Mama. Oh, you remember the scene: she's on a date with Greg Kinnear and she says that she dreams about random things, like an electric toilet. Yes....that's exactly what my thoughts are like. For your pleasure, I've even included the exact time I came up with that thought. Feel free to giggle.

-7am Wake-up: why was I dreaming about making grilled cheeses that could sing? I wonder if I ate one, then the baby could hear the sandwich in my stomach.
-7:30am: Huh. I don't remember making the lunches for the girls. Wouldn't it be cool if there was a robot designed to be a Mamas helper? I would soooo invest in one!
-8:30 driving  spawn to school: would you look at that? Someone left half a door on the side of the street. Ooh! Nice sidelights. I wish that door could talk and tell me where it had been. Isn't that a cartoon?
-8:50 having dropped off Pixy: seriously, how do these other moms manage to get dressed in designer duds with makeup on just to drop off their kids?! Ugh, I'm such a slob. At least, I smell good. Not that anyone is going to check.
-9:00 almost to Banshee's school: That cornfield doesn't look right. I think he alpaca farm next door is using up all the good corn and leaving the other stalks to dry up and look ugly. There's enough dry corn here to conceal albino-blonde scary kids in there. Oh God...why did I think of that now?
-9:25 dropped off Banshee: Dude, I seriously hope that the weird mom in her minivan isn't around. Nope. There she is. She isn't pregnant and she just missed driving into the bus by inches. What is going on with her? (By the way, she practically runs someone over daily).
-9:45 in the driveway: this child is bent on killing me. I'm sure he doesn't like me. I mean, dude, relax in there. I pigged out at breakfast. Surely, that will make you be gentle with me. Ugh.
-10am: I soooo don't want to wash all these damn cloth diapers right now. This boy will even wear the pink flowery ones. I am not buying all new ones for him.
-10:30 am while cleaning out the nursery: This baby will be here in a hot minute and nothing is ready. I'm still surrounded by boxes of junk that Goodwill won't want. If I throw everything out and start brand new, that will so solve my problems. Who can I get money from?
-11:15am: this is it!! The second my friendly neighborhood vamp asks me if I want immortality, I'm taking it. I'm getting old. Gonna ask if I can finish breastfeeding first.
-11:45 while picking up Banshee: I'm sure her teacher takes pity on me because she thinks I'm missing a few screws. I don't think any other Mom got a note reminding them there's no school tomorrow.
-12noon: Oh, it's lunch!! I'm so not gonna win the Mama of the year award, but if I make another Nutella sandwich for this child, I will go up in flames. Wasn't there a case of spontaneous combustion in TV just recently?
-12:30: I wonder if I really should write all these thoughts down. They're weird to me, even!! Huh. Will think on it.

What's going on? Sigh.

That's what the first half of my day is like. It's interesting, because I'm so not flaky and all of these thoughts are so unbelievably random. I just don't get it. According to the Sailor, I even talk about things in my sleep, which he has been recording for use later. Sigh..

Have you experienced the "Pregnant Woman Random Thought Generator" phenomenon? What are some of the random thoughts you come up with? Share and laugh...I mean, we know this state won't last forever, right? ;) 

Image courtesy of stock photos at FreeDigitalPhotos.net created by Stockimage

"Sleepy, Oh So Sleepy"

The title of this post is from a book I (Liz) read to my kids about sleepy animal babies ("Sleepy, Oh So Sleepy" by Denise Fleming, $14ish at Amazon.com). It's supposed to lull them to sleep I think. But they're not feeling it. But whenever I read it, I think about how sleepy parenting makes you and how we do stupid stuff when we're so sleepy. Have you ever been this sleepy? Read on...

"I think the #1 most tired I've ever been was when Silas was a baby and he was still sleeping in our bed on our chests (so maybe 3 or 4 weeks old). He was actually, that night, sleeping in his bassinet by the bottom of our bed. He woke up and cried. I gingerly picked up the baby from my bed and passed him to my husband because it was his turn to quiet the crying baby. Both of us became frustrated when the baby didn't quiet. That's because 'the baby' I'd just passed Mike was a pillow, and Silas was still crying in his bassinet." - Liz


"The sleepiest I've ever been...was shortly after Pixy's third month. I
woke up during the night to use the bathroom. The baby started to cry and I was lolling asleep as I was sitting on the toilet. I still don't know how I did it, but I managed to walk to the nursery with panties around my ankles and pick up the baby. Sailor woke up to figure out what I was doing, because he heard the toilet flush and the baby stop crying, but we were not in our room. He ended up laughing at me. It took me all of two minutes to figure out what was so funny. His laughter, though, kept the baby awake. Fun times!" - Lisa

"You know what real sleep is? Like hours of interrupted bliss and the. waking up while smiling from an amazing dream, while the sun plays peek-a-boo into the window with you. Well, after a long night of couch dozing, Reagan wouldn't fall into real sleep. Hell, she wouldn't even fall into an hour of fake sleep. (She's a newborn, remember?!) She fussed and fussed. Mike had given her Gripe Water and it seemed to relieve gas in her belly. At least that's what I picture is little ninja's popping bubbles with their swords once she swallows a dropper full. So, she started crying after a feeding and I ran over to the kitchen counter to find half the dropper still full. I instantly put it in her mouth and she swallowed. As I'm in the darkness,  I peer all squinty eyed and see something move on my counter top. Ah, sugar ants...why would we have.... THE GRIPE WATER! It's sugar water and that's what those mooches are after!! There was a little black spot when I had put the dropper into my baby's mouth but didn't think anything of it. Omg, AN ANT!!! I'm horrible, I fed my baby a sugar ant!" -Robyn

You know you have a story. Share. Make us all feel better. Did you make sandwiches with just mayonnaise? Did you send the kids to daycare with no diaper on? Share your story in the comments at the bottom.

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