Thursday, August 8, 2013

How well do we know our neighbors?

"Our first home together," my then boyfriend (now husband) said as he unlocked the door. We opened the door, and the scene was straight out of a movie. An 80's movie that is! Stained carpets, holes in the drywall, and missing fixtures. The best part was the yellow counter tops in the outdated kitchen. Sweet! Our first fixer-upper! We fixed it up all right. From repairing walls and laying the whole downstairs in tile, to picking up broken pipes (not the kind for tobacco) in the bushes of our front yard and fixing door handles so the lock wasn't on the outside anymore (to lock the previous owner's kids in), we busted our butts! Every day for 3 months, we worked on this house. It took a lot to start to make it a home.

Soon after we moved in, the neighbors wanted to get to know us. Come to find out, they just wanted to make sure we weren't drug dealing and nude sunbathing delinquents that lived here before. An invite? I'm down. When? Happy Hour. Where? Next door. When? Every Friday night! Who? All of us. Even better that we can walk next door, bring the kids and knock back a few while the neighborhood kids play (and wear themselves out) together. We were told that when the red flag was up at our neighbors house, c'mon in! Awesome neighbor alert! Until their teenage son decided to knock up some girl (back to back). Now, they are raising grand babies. Happy hour is officially cancelled for the next 18 years. Whammy!
Then there's Norma. She sits on her front porch with a shotgun waiting for activity. Especially those pesky HOA who drag around their kids in 100 degree Texas heat in strollers to write violations. "One blade of grass is 2 inches higher than the rest." Really? You're taking this WAY too seriously. I swear that hill in her front yard is a grave from the last guy who gave her lip! Not only did she chase him off her front porch, she followed him in her car all day going from house to house.One time, my husband was teaching our nephew how to drive. He had the boy take the car around the block a few times. All of a sudden..bhew-whoop, a police siren. She had seen a car circle the neighborhood and called the cops on a suspicious vehicle...on the people she sees every week at happy hour!

Two houses down, lives our oldest neighbor. Older than dirt, he tops the charts at 97. He has been through 3 wars, has retired twice, been through two wives and was a witness to when the Air Force was created in 1947. His hearing and eyesight is fading, and his Parkinson's is getting worse. But, he's outside everyday detailing his wife's car, blowing leaves, and throwing dirty stank eye looks when anyone drives by. I park, get out, wave, and he rolls over in his motorized wheel chair. He gets straight to the point (probably cause he could croak at any given moment and doesn't want to waste time) and tells me "No bullshit, dammit. Never stop moving. That's when you'll die...when you stop moving. You got that, girl?" That's when he turned and brushed my butt with his shoulder as he scooted back home in his power-mobile . Wait a second, I think to myself. Did that..??? Yep, that just happened. I swear, old people really do get away with anything.

Our neighbors are old, young, drunk, and fun. They are old enough to know better, but still too young to care. We make up our own neighborhood watch program and dare anyone to try and challenge us when they think we're not watching. The neighbors would call it 'being taught a lesson' to someone who tries to steal, cheat or lie to any of us. It could also be considered 'Lead Poisoning' in this neck of the woods.

We've all got wacky neighbors - what's your story? How well do you know your neighborhood people (and do you want to)?


  1. We love our neighbors! We live in a planned community, which means that everything revolves around getting to know the person next door. Our neighbors range from new families, to retired families, to cat ladies, and us--the wolf house, as it is lovingly called by the neighborhood kids. As we prepare to move from this awesome neighborhood, we are very nervous about who the person next door will be. We will be in a less populated area and let's face it....all ghost stories start with a lovely country house, right? ;)

  2. You just made my night - very funny. I have a few neighbors, but no stories like yours. Our neighbors are pretty quiet and keep to themselves.

    1. Keri, thank you for your comment. It's never a full moment around here!