Showing posts with label Top Ten. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Top Ten. Show all posts
Friday, October 4, 2013

How To Recognize a Parent - the Top 10 List

Want to know if someone's a parent? Here are some easy tell-tale signs.

1. They spell out cuss words or don't use them at all.

2. They hear ads for new kids movies and get excited, only to realize they haven't seen an adult movie (not a porn) in months.

3. They remind you to say please after a request (and apologize for reminding you sometimes).

4. Their Facebook reading list and movie list include things relating to Thomas the Train and Sesame Street, and read authors like Eric Carle.

5. They know all the characters' names on Dora and Jake and the Neverland Pirates. And have opinions about each one ("Mike the Knight is an a-hole").

6. These people can talk about bodily functions without turning red and without batting an eyelash.
Sage and his blue soap
Bath time!

7. Days turn into "naptime," "snacktime," "bathtime," and "bedtime" rather than noon, 5 pm, etc.

8. Scheduled activities revolve around naps and bath time ("Well we can't go because that's right at nap time. Thanks for the invite though!")

9. Target gives them coupons for formula, diapers, and kid food rather than adult items.

10. They talk about sleep (or the lack of it) A LOT.


What are some other "parentisms" you can think of?

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Top Ten Mommy Student Experiences

I'm currently finishing my PhD in psychology. I'm actually finishing up my dissertation. The quick and dirty on that is that I've done a research study, gathered my data, written a large chunk of a book (which will end up about 200 pages), and now I'm finishing up my last two chapters. My first draft of my final two chapters was due last Friday. So what do you experience as a student Mommy?

1. You're working on your school work and the 3 year old comes in and finds a loose sheet of paper and grabs a marker. You can either give up and escort him out or risk him coloring something important. Either way, something bad is going to happen. There will be a tantrum if you try to uproot the child or you'll have a colored on study guide. You give up. For now.

2. It's easiest to do school work when the kids are in bed, for sure. But by 8:30 pm you're so tired because the 1 year old was up 4 times last night with a fever that you're more interested in sleep.

3. You lay in bed feeling guilty for not doing your homework tonight. 

4. You've broken 3 DVRs because you've overloaded them with your shows and kid shows. You intended to watch your shows but realize you're three weeks behind on The Glades and Perception and they've both ended for the summer.

5. You feel badly asking your significant other to watch the kids so you can work.

6. When you do take off to work you are barraged with calls of "Where's mommy? Mommmmmyyyy! Where arrrre you?"

7. Cooking dinner while reading a journal article seemed like a good idea at the time. Then you're frustrated, dinner's burned, the kids are screaming, "I wanna watch Mike the Knight!" and you're ordering pizza. And nobody got jack done.

8. Reading period. Now that's a joke. I took Advanced Inferential Statistics and wanted ball gags for everyone else and noise canceling headphones for myself. Instead you learn to skim while sitting on the toilet for 5 minutes until the small hand comes under the bathroom door. "Mommy?"

9. Cleaning involves running the vacuum on Saturday before the 1 year old's 11 am nap and the 3 year old's 1 pm nap. You are chased around the house by two dogs who decide to eat the vacuum and two little boys who cover their ears and cry. You vacuum around things rather than move them because really, who does that anyway? Every time you clean you think about how you should be studying and ponder hiring a cleaning service. Then you think about how you'd be embarrassed and feel the need to clean before the cleaner got there and really, that's just silly.

10. "Mommy you sit an watch Toy Story with me?" I can't today baby boy, Mommy has to do work. Guilt. Sadness. Remember, you're doing this to be a good role model and to provide for the Small People. So says your brain. But you still feel like crap.

Are you a Mommy or Daddy Student? What experiences have you had recently that I didn't put on the list?