My own game of 'dungeons'...

If you watch Adventure Time, or even just heard of it, you know that Finn likes to play a game/quest called "Dungeons" when he is bored. The game basically consists of finding a hidden dungeon and ultimately to solve the quest by finding the treasure at the end. Finn is usually successful at this game and can be quite OCD on the steps to solving his "dungeon" puzzle.

Why this random comparison? It is the one that best fits. For the last couple months I have been playing my own game of "dungeons" with regards to my 3 year old, Banshee. You see, Banshee began to show signs of autism when she reached her second birthday. She was very particular about the way she dressed, about closing doors, shutting the AC vents, what she ate, and the fact that she wanted to spin constantly. Because I had worked with children living with autism before, I knew the signs and knew that we needed to seek answers. Thus, "dungeons" began.

I would like to say that my quest was fruitful in the beginning, but that would be lying. It was anything but. The first developmental pediatrician kept referring to autism as the "a word", and while the doctor accepted that there were signs, her age was most likely the cause. I think the most frustrating part about all this was the fact that in that moment, sitting in the antiseptic doctor's office while looking at my child, I knew that I would have to play this part of dungeons alone. 

Enter my adventurous spirit and thirst for answers. I knew Banshee was a puzzle and we needed help to get the right tools to work with her--autism or not. Through my investigations, and with the help of some friends who were going through the exact situation, I learned that there was a program in Baltimore that provided early intervention to children who presented the symptoms of an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). I set the wheels in motion, and after some testing to qualify (it is a research program), Banshee was enrolled in the Kennedy Krieger Institute's Early Achievements Autism Speaks preschool class. The relief I felt that I was on the right track was huge and grew more when the interventionists said: "You have no idea how big this is. Just by starting the process, you've already helped her." SCORE! 

It seems, that I had found the right dungeon. Now, I needed to find the right key to open the treasure chest that is Banshee. She was a complete puzzle and didn't fit into the categories that the diagnostics called for in a child with autism, but there she was presenting lots of red flags. It was disheartening to say the least, we just want answers, and they weren't that forthcoming. The good thing is that I was surrounded by other parents that were in the same boat and by the professionals at Kennedy Krieger, who kept comforting me with this saying: " If you have met a child with autism, then you have met only ONE child with autism." I'll say! 

Another difficult concept that as parents to a child on the ASD spectrum we have to learn, is that once you have  someone that is diagnosed with autism, your whole family is now diagnosed with autism too. You must all learn new techniques of doing things, routines, new approaches to parenting that seem alien but are so helpful, you tend to go through a period of time when you beat yourself up. Why didn't I think of that? The answer to that, is just that you are too deep to think clearly and it takes a lot to get to the point of being able to admit that. It was great to be able to share all of these thoughts with people, who wouldn't judge you for it.  I can tell you that all of us have grown through this experience with Banshee and even though she was the one receiving therapy to give her the tools she needs to succeed, we were getting therapy too.  

My dungeons game came to a stand-still as Banshee, even after diagnostic testing and visits with the professionals at Kennedy Krieger, remains without a diagnosis. She is too  much of a puzzle even for them! There is no doubt she is on the ASD spectrum, no one is sure where she is. I want to say that if I had remained the same as the beginning of this experience, I would have remained disappointed at the lack of answers. The me now, remains frustrated, but am more open and invite this game of dungeons to continue. I mean, do you really have to find the treasure chest immediately to count as a quest? Or do you count the work you have to do in getting the clues, in order for the real quest to be won? I think dungeons is different for everybody. The good thing is that we don't have to feel alone or need to do it alone. Sometimes, the best way to beat a dungeon of our own making, is simply to let others in to help us through the quest.

What "dungeons" have you experienced in your life (as a parent or otherwise)? What keys did you find that worked to open the treasure chests?

Making a Parent's Life Easier

Within the past couple of weeks I've had a couple of friends observe me at home (not in a creepy way, we were hanging out and I was multitasking) and comment that I make "it" (being a parent) look so easy.

*Giggle* Easy?!

Another one said, "You don't freak out, you just roll with it." Why yes I do, otherwise I'd be in constant freak out mode and that helps nobody.

So what do I do that makes "it" easy? Read on. Will all of these work for you and your fam? Maybe not. But one may help and if so, that's awesome.

1) Make schedules. For example, we menu plan and I type it out and it goes on the bulletin board. As I'm making the menu for the week I keep in mind what meals are super easy and the days we could use super easy. If you have multiple family members with activities, make a calendar so everyone can see. Use the calendar to plan ("Well I could grocery shop while Ryan's at soccer practice" if you don't mind missing soccer practice). I even have a cleaning schedule and I don't break it unless there's a disaster. You know why? The toilet can really wait to be cleaned until Saturday (its scheduled day). Nobody will die if we wait until Saturday. Now if they will, that's another story.

2) Multitask. Laundry going, dishwasher going, vacuuming, while my hair is dying? Done it. Just remember you can't multitask things that take a lot if brain power!

3) Plan ahead. If you have 5 minutes, do what will need to be done for later. Prepare dinner (OK that takes longer than 5 minutes). Set out the kids' clothes and pajamas. Or better yet make them do it! This way, when that activity (i.e. making dinner) comes up, you're not scrambling. It's leisurely. Scrambling is stressful.

4) Do now for a better later. If you have kids, they want a relaxed and undivided you. They don't want Texting Mommy or On Work Email Daddy. So if you can do that stuff now to spend a block of time with them later...well that's what I'd do.

5) Most important: give yourself a break. I mean this in two ways. First, literally, take some time for yourself when there's nobody saying, "Mommy? I ha some cheese? Mommy? I watch Handy Manny? Mommy?" (or is that just my house?). Second, forget other people and seriously give yourself a break - the vacuuming will get done eventually (on Sunday says the schedule), and you ARE a good parent even if you don't look like the neighbor who has five kids (and a nanny). Give yourself a break. This isn't Mommy Wars. We're not competing.

What, if any, of these suggestions are you planning on trying? What may work for you and your family? Do you have any other suggestions to add to the list?

Bloggers Chat about Breastfeeding for World Breastfeeding Week

Liz: August 1st through 7th is World Breastfeeding Week. If I remember correctly the whole month is National Breastfeeding Month. I wish we lived in a world where we didn't have to have weeks and months to remind us about our feeding options for children, but I think that's the goal - acceptance and support. After reading a post from the Huffington Post about bloggers suggesting we support all moms and their feeding choices, I knew that it would be interesting to dialogue with my fellow Mama(s) about their choices and how they made them feel.

How many children do you have and how old are they?
Liz: Two boys, Silas and Sage, 3 and 1.

Lisa: Two girls, Pixy and Banshee, 5 and 3. One boy, Cubby, in utero.

Robyn: 3 boys, Bailey, 14, Sean, 8 Kasen 5, and 1 girl, Reagan, 1 month

Did you breast feed, formula feed, supplement breast with formula...?
Liz: I formula fed with both of them. I initially tried breast feeding but wasn't able to do it.

Lisa: I breastfed both of the girls for 11 months and they weaned themselves. With Pixy, who was a tiny 5lb thing, I supplemented with formula to fatten her up.

Robyn: Breasfed all the way. Step-son Bailey was formula fed.

Why did you make the choices you made?
Liz: I had high risk pregnancies after having a stroke in 2008. I took medication that decreased blood clotting and apparently influenced milk production. After both boys were born I tried to feed them both for about 3 weeks. I put a lot more effort into it with Sage because I thought maybe I hadn't tried hard enough or long enough with Silas. But as soon as I stopped taking my anticoagulant medication my milk completely dried up both times. So sometimes it feels like formula was a choice and other times I think it was a choice made for me by my body.

Lisa: Honestly, we are a military family on a budget. I knew that formula was expensive and I figured I would give breastfeeding a try. It was difficult, because all the women close to me had formula fed and I didn't get the support I needed. This was something women with no other recourse did, not someone from this century. But, I stuck to my conviction to try and if it didn't work, there was always formula. I am all about rolling with the punches.

Robyn: It just seemed natural. Plus, breastfeeding burns calories!

How did you feel about your choices?
Liz: With Silas when I finally decided to only FF I felt guilty like I was doing my kid a disservice. Even though I knew I'd done everything I could. When I decided to FF only with Sage I felt less guilty because I'd been through it before and knew that feeling guilty was silly - it wasn't like I was not feeding my kid.

Lisa: I was at peace with all of my choices. My body said it was "all systems go" to breastfeed and I felt I did it well. Every once in a while, I do feel guilty that I didn't ask the girls to breastfeed longer, but honestly, if they were ready to stop at 11 months I wasn't about to force the issue. I think we have all turned out great.

Robyn: I felt great knowing that my body was put here for a purpose (not just for dudes to check out my rack).

What do you wish you could tell other moms who are facing the challenges related to choosing how to feed their child(ren)?
Liz: I teach child psychology classes and even though the books don't talk about this, I do. We talk about feeding options. I talk about BFing and the services available to help (lactation consultants at the hospital, BFing classes before baby's born, La Leche League mentors, etc.). I also remind students that sometimes, moms don't choose to FF and relay my experiences. I also talk about how sometimes Mom is sick and can't BF and these are all things we need to think about before we look askance at someone who's feeding their kid in public in a way that we didn't choose. I would love to tell Moms of the world to put all the Mommy War social comparisons aside and just support each other. You know how hard it is to mommy (and if you don't yet, you will). Why add that extra stress of being crappy to each other over feeding strategies? Feed your kid. Bam.

Lisa: Do what you think is best, regardless of what information is out there. When it comes to mommyhood, there is no right answer! All children are different, all Mamas are different! Why should we pressure each other to fit a certain mold? Some women will be able to breastfeed with no problem, others might require the help of formula. As mamas, we can never truly prepare for everything, but we can educate ourselves and support each other, to make the right choices for us. Mommyhood is not going to be stress-free, not by a long shot, just get it done and be happy.

Robyn: To grow into the idea of telling society to beat it! Sometimes it's not just the mom's decision, it's what works best for the family. Find the support you need (friends, family, other moms, groups, discussion forums) when you make the decision of breast or bottle. Once you have support, you'll feel more confident that you're doing the right thing.

How would you answer these questions? If you're a mom, what was your feeding experience like and how did people respond to it?

Things We Learned This Week (August 4th Edition)

Our first group post! We're excited!

So the prompt is, "What did you learn this week?"

Liz:
1)  I learned I hate car shopping. It makes me anxious. My husband somehow has a 0 credit score. How is this possible? We've bought two houses before. I don't get it. But we are now the proud er...not owners...drivers...payers...of a 2013 Honda Pilot. And it rocks my socks. And Silas decided this week that he likes it too (at first he wanted to "Take ih back and geh our car"). Driving an SUV is way different than driving the Prius. This will take some getting used to.

2)  Sage has slept through the night twice. I'm not sure what's going on. Before he was waking up and going right back to sleep if I changed his diaper. Now...he wakes up, mehs a few times, and puts himself back to sleep. I like it. Become the new norm please. Of course now I can't sleep though.

3)  Coordinating the blog with two lovely mamas is interesting to start off with. I'm a control freak and I'm handing over some to two friends...if anyone sees me freak out, understand why. Love my girls!

4)  Quitting smoking (in May) has made it so much easier to run. I ran for 10 minutes straight (2x in one session) twice this week. And I wasn't dying when I finished. Soaked in sweat, yes, but not cardio dying. Go me.

Lisa:
1) I learned that "see you laters" are just as hard as "goodbyes". Banshee has graduated from her preschool at Kennedy Krieger and during the party, after showing much improvement in behavior and social skills, she shut down on me. No talking, no smiling, just hiding behind me. It was sad. Banshee was not happy that she was done with school and even more unhappy that she wasn't going to see her teachers everyday, just for visits here and there. It was a very hard concept to prepare for and with all the change going on in our lives, I felt horrible that I couldn't shield her from something like this. We will keep muddling through together though. She is much better today!

2) Finding the time to continue jotting down "simple joys" in my Simple Joy journal. Let's face it, the day fills up like crazy for Mamas and the last thing you want to do is pick up a pencil to write down the most enjoyable moment of the day "What do you mean? NOW! When I am in bed!" But, taking the 5 minutes to really think about what made you smile and write down a couple of sentences, is fast becoming an enjoyable experience.

3)Breaking the news of our pregnancy and the sex of the baby. This floored some people, mainly because I am 5 months along and no one knew. We had to keep it secret for a bit, due to some early complications, but Mr.Cubby is determined to stay in there and meet everyone in December. I am panicking a little too...I have no boy gear. Sigh!

4) Being unplugged every once in a while, is not a bad thing. I found the time I had been messing around on Facebook, I used it for other tasks around the house. Mainly, helping to get things ready for our move and ::gasp:: read uninterrupted! Woohoo!

Robyn:
1) For all the BF moms, there has been some controversy over why babies get 'that drunk look' on their faces after BF'ing. You know, the glazed over and half open eyes while their body is as limp as a dishrag while trying to burp? Well, get this! It has been linked to the THC receptors in a baby's brain. (Seriously?!) That's right, breast milk will inadvertently get your baby high! I almost spit out my drink (and hopefully didn't cause you do to the same) while reading this BOGUS article. Hmmm..that must be why my other kiddos are so smart. Because I got them "high" for 10 months. Sheesh!

2) Having a postpartum (gyno) appointment is apparently not the time to multi-task. After being put in a room and being told "It will be a while, there are 3 more ahead of you", I cringed. Not only is this appointment not a favorite, but parking is charged by the half hour. So, I decided to do what any busy mommy would do with our precious time: Multi-task. While breastfeeding, I was on the phone with a cruise line (my kids Christmas present this year. I know, genius idea!). I hear a knock at the door, and in walks the doc. Pretty sure I had the deer in headlights look as my doc asks "So, YOU'RE not ready yet?" Clearly not, doc! Pants still on, drape sitting nicely folded in a square on the exam table, and a baby on the boobie. Here I was, trying to explain to two men (with completely different occupations) what was going on. Let me say that it felt very uncomfortable knowing one wanted to get in my pants, and one wanted to take my money. Good thing I know which one was which!

3) For those with teenagers: There is a new game called Oreo (as explained by my 14 year old). While sitting with a group of friends (guys and girls), one teenager will ask another one "out". Out meaning being to have the BF/GF title at school only. The purpose is to see who really likes who. Yep. That's it. Simple. Hey, no complaints from this parent! This is the only time I'm thankful for my children growing up to be technology geeks. At the age of 14, I was thinking about more than just "going out" with boys. Heck, my mind was in the gutter! I was thinking about doing ______ (Feel free to fill in the blank with comments).

What did you learn about yourself or others this week? We'd love to hear about it in the comments.

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Meet Lisa

As I've shared this week, the blog is expanding. We're adding Mamas and they're amazing ladies. Today I'll introduce you to Lisa in her own words.

Lisa and the wolf

Hey! I'm Lisa. I'm a mama to Pixy, Banshee, and incubator to Cubby, and pack leader to two naughty wolves. I'm an avid reader of books, lover of music, bird watching and nature, great singer....and a bit crazy. How crazy? I married a musician (he plays trumpet). We love life, food, and lots of noise. That's "normal" for us....if there is such a thing as normal...Ha!  

Please help me welcome this amazing mama to the Around the House crew. What questions do you have for her?

Meet Robyn

As I've shared this week, the blog is expanding. We're adding Mamas and they're amazing ladies. Today I'll introduce you to Robyn in her own words.

Mama Robyn!

Mommy of 4 (a nursing newborn girl, and 3 boys: a kindergartener, a special needs 2nd grader, and a freshman step-son), chocolate loving, wine drinking, life saving medic, who was raised in the sticks, isn't afraid to speak the ugly truth and doesn't take crap from anybody.

Please help me welcome this amazing mama to the Around the House crew. What questions do you have for her?

I'm So Excited!

Since I'm a parent of small children, I read that title in Mike Myers playing The Cat In The Hat's voice.

What am I excited for? Two things. The first one's awe-some! Starting today, I'm working with two of my best girls on the blog - it's no longer about one Mama around here. Enter Mama(s) Robyn and Lisa. Beginners, eyes on Robyn...oh sorry, I was channeling Jillian Michaels for a minute there. I can't wait for you to meet them. Tomorrow's and Saturday's posts will be devoted to introducing the Mama(s) to the Around the House community. I'm so excited!

Second, the Mama(s) are participating in a 30-day blogging challenge starting today. We will be rocking out the entire month of August.

So it's the start of a brand spankin' new month - what are you looking forward to in August?

Exciting Things to Come

30 days...30 posts...just for fun and maybe prizes? Read some new blogs and get some Internet exposure? Sign me up!

Here's the funny part. I saw this (paid) advertisement on Facebook about the Simple Blogging Network 30 Day Challenge and so I clicked on it just to see what's up. Well. One thing I really liked about the idea was that you posted your daily link in a group on FB - there's some accountability for you. Plus there are prizes available. But you had to pay to sign up. Boo. But then I saw how much I had to pay. I paid $2.09. No joke. The price goes up though so it's better to get in early.

What do you get? Possible prizes, exposure, comments on your posts (and not just "good job"), and best of all, you get practice in writing every day. All of the "big" bloggers and people who write about blogging well will tell you this is important. There are also weekly seminars (that are recorded in case you're, you know, working) about blogging topics.

So I'm in. Are you? Learn more here.