Thursday, March 6, 2014

Brother Bully No-more


 Did I hear that right?

As I'm inside the house prepping for dinner, I hear a total jerk move come from the playhouse outside.

Wow, what a bully move! As I crept outside, I see Kasen outside the playhouse and Sean inside. Kasen has his hands on his hips, being a bully. Sean is on the inside with a toy gun pointed at Kasen, yelling "Stop it Kasen!"

Kasen stood with his head in the corner until i could figure out what to do. I figured I had to take a deferent approach at this in order for him to actually learn the lesson. What I didn't want to do, was yell.  So, I googled "How to deal with a bully"

Believe it or not, there were a lot of forums from parents saying 'Walk away and tell a teacher' Well, that's all cotton candy and caramel apples until the kid is labeled as a nark! Then, they have two labels (a sissy and a tattle-tell). Is that really what we should be teaching our kids from the beginning? To just walk away from a problem instead of trying to solve it? 

Not this mom-especially because I had kids on both sides of the bullying spectrum. Where was I to start? The youngest, I decided. That's where I'll start. 

During our convo, I learned that there was a new kid in Kasen's kindergarten class. He would hit and kick kids on the playground and was sent home with writing in his folder (the worst punishment according to Kasen). 

I've seen his mom pick him up after school, and he is even a little shit to her. She has no control over him and repeatedly says 'That's not nice' in a sweet tone after he kicks her and runs into oncoming traffic. 

My son had tried to be his friend. Finally, he told me that he 'isn't mean to him, but  just ignores him'. Good job buddy! Ignore the problem, but don't let him push you around. From there on during our talk, he cried. Wait, no. He bawled when we were talking because he said he was feeling guilty. He did seem to understand the following lessons: 

 We need to not pick on the weak to feel better about ourselves. 

There are many types of people (religion, race, sex) in this world. Just because somebody is different, doesn't mean they are wrong. 

Setting good examples. He is not the youngest anymore and has a sister that will look up to him and follow by example. 

You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Even though someone may be pestering you, being nice is better than being bitter. 

At the end of the day, we prevailed. We learned about bullies and why we shouldn't be one. Most importantly, Mommy didn't yell, but still effectively got the lesson through. 

Hmmm... Guess we both learned something today. 
Photo courtsey of "Child Draws" by Supertrooper