Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Mothers of teenagers

Teen- How long have those waffles been in the freezer?
Mom: umm..since the last time I went to the store. So, Sunday? 
Teen: This Sunday, or the Sunday before, or the Sunday before? 
Mom: This past Sunday. 
Teen: No they haven't, they must've been in there for longer than that. (Laughing) 
Mom: Would you like to see my receipt? 
Teen: (looking disgusted) Uh No, they've been in there for a long time, I know that. 

Yes, son. Of course you know. You are a teenager! You are right. I'm glad you keep me in check about the date of a breakfast item, but can't remember if you even put on deodorant this morning. What would I have done without the questioning of waffles today? Probably wouldn't be writing this blog about teenagers, actually. 

After thinking about the options that I had as a parent in this situation, I came to the 
realization that nothing that I said could've been right. I can't slap the kid silly. If it wasn't considered child abuse, then I might! Hell, even at that particular moment, I would've liked to abandon the boy. Not in the middle of a cornfield without a compass or anything. I'm not heartless. I'd rather go. Just to leave, take a little 'road soda' while I think. Think about how stupid teenagers are. 

This is the kind of stuff that drives a mother to drinking. It makes me double think about situations and question the validity in my own statements. 

'Shit, was that even this week that I bought the waffles? Wait, no. I remember going to the store this Sunday. It was when you were gone at church with your friend. Yeah, I'm right! I didn't want to leave your unpredictable, crazy decision making ass at home!' 

At this point, I'm ready to stock the house full of pop tarts and corn dogs, fill his bathroom with Maxim, and put lotion on his bedside table. Seriously, what else could make this turd happy? 

Nothing. Why? Because teenagers hate their parents. We never understand and am expected to know what is going on in life with little communication.

 ('How was school today?' 
What was good about it?' 
*Stomp upstairs to room*) 

This week, I'm so thankful that I'm NOT a teenager, because he is right...I would NEVER understand growing up as a teen in today's world!