Friday, December 21, 2012

"Why so serious?"

For a few days now I've been posting on Facebook about things that make me #happy (yes, with the Tweety hashtag, and no they're not Tweets). A couple of regular viewers to the FB page have asked why. Not that they're wanting me to be #unhappy, but why now, why this?

Well let me share just a small glimpse into The House. My work hadn't been taking out the correct amount for insurance (both dental and health) and they caught it in September. Two years later. So I owed them almost 4K. But they'd take it out every pay period and before taxes so it wouldn't be a financial burden. Well taking half of my check every two weeks, every pay period...yeah that's going to be a burden. So Daddy and I eat what we can and the kids eat what they need and it's still a financial burden.

Cue illness. I lost my voice and was out of work for almost three weeks (can't teach with no voice). Dr.s appointments and a specialist and vocal therapy later and I'm diagnosed with muscular tension dysphonia. Basically I put too much stress (both physical and muscular) on my voice, so it peaced out. HR (how I love them right about then) wants me to take FERPA but doesn't explain it well so I'm not sure what all is going on. And I can't talk. I can't read to Silas or sing with him (he started singing the ABCs, it's awesome). And all the doctors visits put more financial strain on us. Fun.

Did I mention that the six-month-old doesn't sleep through the night? He wakes up around one and sometimes goes back to sleep and sometimes is ready to party until 4 or 5 a.m. The pediatrician tells us to get some earplugs and let him cry it out. I offer to ship him to her house and let her do that.

Then it's Christmas. My Mom's asking for pictures of our tree. We don't have a freaking tree because we can't afford one. A friend of mine from college graciously sends us one, which was so sweet it made me cry.

I go to the dermatologist to deal with some super itchy skin and he tells me it could be a fungal infection or it could be t-cell lymphoma. The fun just keeps coming.

So every day I remid myself of what I am #happy for. Some days it's a struggle because really, most times I want to curl in a ball and cry (and sleep). But I remind myself that I'm here, I'm alive, my voice is coming back slowly but surely, and I have an amazing husband and two sweet, healthy, and gorgeous boys.

If you see the FB posts about being #happy, just know that every day I'm reminding myself of what is amazing in my life.