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Julep Maven Box - Love at First (Nail) Polish - Become a #JulepMaven

If you troll around the Internet like I do, you've probably seen advertisements for Julep. The ad shows you these funky colored nail polishes and offers you a free month of a "Maven" box. If you're like me, you've seen these ads and thought, well, I wonder what that is. I'm definitely a lover of beauty products (yay for me, sad for my wallet) as I've talked about before here, so I clicked just to check it out.

My Maven Box

So what is Julep? Julep is a company based in Seattle that sells nail color, nail, hand, and foot products, makeup and hair products, skincare, and body products. The ads you see are for their monthly enrollment program (the Maven program) - you go on their website, answer some questions, and they suggest some products based upon your stated style. You can enroll in a monthly Maven box program ($19.99 per regular Maven box with other boxes available as well) and they'll ship you a box every month. Some "styles" get nail color every month, while other styles get nail color and products and others get skin care or body products. It all depends on what style you are ("Modern beauty," "Boho glam," "Bombshell," "Classic with a twist," and "It girl"). When I took the style survey I was a "classic with a twist." You also get free fun samples in your box.

Not only does Julep offer products, they offer tutorials on their blogs and their YouTube page as well. I scroll through their blog and drool - they ask readers to send in their pictures of their nail art and some of the things people come up with are so fun and amazing looking. I'm lucky if I can paint my nails without looking like the 3 year old did it. You can also follow them on Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, and Facebook and learn some beauty tips there. Like the other day I was scrolling through their Facebook and saw a Q&A thread. As someone who types a lot for their job (hello doing that right now), they suggested painting the tips of the nails first then going over with a coat on the whole nail. After I read that I thought, "Well duh Liz." I hadn't thought of that. This is why I love following beauty blogs. I was on a Twitter party about beauty a few days ago and read that you can put on two coats of mascara to cause your eyes to look bigger and less tired. I look tired all the time...hm...mascara can be my friend. On their Pinterest they have boards for all the different styles that include makeup tips, clothing suggestions, and jewelry. Droooool.

So being the beauty product chick I am, I ordered a Maven box (and some other add ons that looked like fun - $4.99 mystery color nail polish, yes please!). You can get your first box for free by going here and using the code FREEBOX. If you sign up to be a Maven you'll receive an email before the next box goes out (and before your card is charged) and they'll tell you what will be in your box. You can decide to do nothing and get the box, you can skip that month (and not be charged), you can gift your box to someone else, or you can buy some add ons to put in your box. Again, if you're like me, you love to get mail, especially surprise beauty product mail right?!

My first box!

I received my first Maven box (with my add ons) today. I was so excited (mail that's not bills!). I received 5 nail colors (two from my Maven box, three add ons), pedi creme, and a sample of a foot scrub. Since I'm me, I busted out the Mint Condition Pedi Creme immediately and smelled it - minty. It has shea butter, coconut oil, essential oils, and vitamin E (along with alpha hydroxy acid - watch out for sun exposure). I rubbed some on my tired little feet and put my socks back on to get ready to go pick up the boys from school. Minty is invigorating! I like it.

Love Kai

When we got home I asked Mike if I could have a few minutes to paint my nails. He chose from my five colors and I tried out a color called Kai - it's a deeper sky blue. Looked pretty. What I didn't realize was it was a sea salt texture. Forgive me, I'm tired. Why do I love sea salt textured nail color? One reason: I'm horrid at applying nail color. So using a sea salt texture actually makes it look like I screwed up on purpose. Ha! I love it. It went on easily, didn't clump as I was using it, and dried relatively quickly.

So now I have four more colors to try within the next month before my next box comes and I'm excited. I've also been scrolling the Julep website trying to see what other products I might like to add on for my next box. "Casper" glows in the dark. Bare Face Cleansing Oil sounds interesting - I'd love to try it after reading the reviews that say it doesn't leave your face feeling oily. And Freedom Polymer Top Coat reviews say that it passes the smudge test within 5 minutes. If you saw my nails today you'd know why I'm seriously considering that. You can wishlist products. Let's say mine is growing.

If you'd like to try it out, click here and find out what your style profile is. Even if you don't buy anything, it's still fun to see what colors they'd suggest for you!I You can order your first box (for FREE using code FREEBOX) too!

Have you tried Julep? What's your favorite nail color so far? Give me suggestions for ones I should try!

The Dad Identity

I was folding clothes when I overheard Silas say something to Daddy. Daddy sighed and said, "You're right Silas," and got up from the couch.

Silas was happily eating his meatballs and raviolis, but he had heard me tell Daddy that after he finished that game (of whatever video game he was playing) it was Silas' turn to watch a movie I'd gotten for him.

So what did Silas say to Daddy?

"Daddy, that's one game. It my turn. Movie please."

I secretly smiled to myself. This is something I try to say to my husband all the time but it's as if I've said it too often and now he doesn't hear me.

Sometimes I wonder why it is that much of my day, my life, is spent talking to these boys, learning from these boys, teaching these boys to *hopefully* be good people, and mostly spending my time with or for these boys, but my husband still maintains his hobbies (like video games). I mentioned this to him the other night and he responded, "Hon, you blog." Well yes, I do. After the boys go to bed. When they're otherwise engaged. I don't just take off and hole up in my office and write. And if I want to, I ask my husband if it's OK if I do so for 15 minutes or so (and I make sure I'm back in 15 minutes).

I am a mom. I've been a mom ever since Silas was born. I'm not sure, if you asked my husband to answer the question "I am..." 20 times, if "a father" or "a dad" would even be on that list (and he's not interested in doing that activity if I ask him). I've met guys who "are" dads. That's how they think of themselves, that's what they talk about, that's what they "do," that's "who they are." And I sit and wonder why it is that some men get attached to that title and the role as I have to being a Mom, while others continue to focus more on themselves than on their role as someone's dad.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not bashing my husband. I'm trying to understand the differences I see. And I've asked him and he doesn't seem to have any insight into it (or he doesn't want to share it with me). Research on identity theory (remember now, I'm a social and personality psychologist, a researcher, this is what I do) tells us that humans play multiple roles (easy right?) and that only a certain number of roles can be "central" at any given time. As one becomes more central, more important to how we think of ourselves, another becomes less central (because we only have so much mental energy).

So I ask you, readers, parents, friends, psychologists, arm-chair psychologists ;) What makes some men a "dad" while others put the role of "father" further down in their list of roles? What do you think?

8 years...whoa!

On a day like yesterday, October 8th, the Sailor and I got married. Wow. Time just flies by, literally. In these 8 years, we have learned quite a few things from each other and about life in general. We were two young kids, with a typical Navy courtship, who knew that it was time to settle down when we met. Crazy stuff! Even crazier when you find out that I had sworn off marriage! I didn't want to do it. The universe had other plans it seems. So, join me down memory lane! Here are some highlights from those 8 years:

- Me swearing to Sailor that I didn't really mean to flash the crowd of kids at the playground. It was the wind that blew my skirt. I mean, could I really do anything about that?

- Sailor flirting with some girl, finding out it was Katherine McPhee, and then immediately calling me to find out who that was. Yes, folks. He really did do this. I still laugh about it to this day. 

- Me being told by a pimp in Atlantic City that he could buy me bigger diamonds than the ones Sailor was looking at. My answer: Really? Wanna talk? I don't know who was more shocked, the jeweler or the pimp, that I actually answered him. I am a smart ass. Sorry.

- Sailor being kind and taking the time to talk to a grieving family at Arlington National Cemetery, after he bugled. This part of the job can be tough on all trumpet players because they are human. They can feel and see the emotional response of the family as Taps is being played. He didn't have to talk to them, he could have just walked away...but he didn't. That to me is huge.

- In 8 years, we have created 5 children: Angel (in heaven), Pixy , Banshee, Louie(in heaven), and Cubby(in utero). Lots of happiness and sadness, all rolled up into one big package. We cried, laughed, and are aware that we have been blessed. Little miracles all of them.

- My wolf dog, Kai, is still extremely pissed that Pixy was born and they fight like siblings ALL THE TIME. It is getting better, though. They do play together before one decides to push the other and then it starts all over again. He has no problem with Banshee though.

-Our other dog, Juneau, was my Mother's Day present. His number was up at the ASPCA and we rescued him. He was skinny and sick then. It was actually very sad. He isn't very bright but he's a good soul, and I am happy to report that he is now attempting to learn how to play. For the most part, he just sits around. He is learning though. 

- Me sitting in an abandoned neighborhood park while Sailor was on a gig, reading a book in the sunshine. I was visited by a chipmunk, some birds, and a bunny. Best couple hours ever!

- Sailor laughing up on stage as Banshee screamed "Yay!", after it was announced that it was the last song of the recital. This is huge because nothing breaks through to him when he is in the 'zone'. Banshee knows what buttons to push. 

- Me taking Sailor out to a date to see David Sedaris read from his book in Baltimore. What a win! I had a literary orgasm and Sailor laughed his ass off. It was magical!

-In 6 months, my father passed away, we put my mother's house for sale, we moved her into our house,  we found out we were pregnant with Cubby, we put our house up for sale, bought a new one, moved two houses worth of crap into the new one, found that Banshee has an Autism Spectrum Disorder, Pixy started Kinder, Banshee started a new school, we are STILL settling in. Sailor has been my sidekick through all of this and I am grateful. It would have been easy for him to wash his hands of the whole thing and keep walking. But, he didn't because he is a rock star. 

Anyway, those are some highlights from our 8 years of bliss, read craziness. I am sure we have some more adventures to take on. Life rarely settles down enough for us to be able to just be still somewhere. Eh, don't know why we would expect anything different. It is the way we are and it works. 

                    Have you any cool highlights from your relationship? Share them with us. 

Losing Your Self in Parenting

I read a lot of blogs and articles about parenting in my free time (you know, that 5 minutes you have between their bedtime and your bedtime). I was reading an article today about single parenting and 10 women weighed in on the difficult parts of being a single parent. One said it was hard not to lose your "self" in parenting and I thought, "Isn't that hard for everyone?" I mean it may be especially hard when you're the only parent, but I see it in parents who are still with their partner as well.

The "self" can be seen as the part of you that distinguishes you from others. As an adolescent, as a young adult, someone without kids, we are free to define that self as we please. Before I married Mike, before I had kids, I would have defined my self as a psychologist, as a therapist, as a professor, as a crafter (I have always loved to knit and create things from other things, like making a collage), as an academic (I always had my face buried in a book or an article), as a friend, and as a daughter. When I married Mike, I added "wife" to that list, and it changed how I thought about myself and how I thought about what I did. For example, when you go to the grocery store as a single person, you get whatever the hell you want, because why not right? It's you eating it. I used to eat Ramen Noodles and Black Bean Burgers with pepperjack cheese on a bun probably 3 nights a week. I'd buy wine and cosmopolitan mix (and good vodka) and have hair dying parties with lots of alcohol and a good friend as often as possible. Then I got married and even grocery shopping changed - now if I saw something new I wanted to try, I'd grab one, put it in my cart, then a thought would come up, "Maybe Mike might like that too?" so I'd try to find something he would like. It was an adjustment even in just that small area of my life. I read less and spent more time hanging out with my husband. I still used to bring work home with me in the form of papers to grade, and many nights I'd sit alone as he watched TV or while he was working, grading papers. But I'd feel guilty because I wasn't spending all my time with him. So I developed a way to not bring as much work home.

Then we had kids. Well we had Silas. I stayed home with Silas for the first 4 months or so because I had him during summer break. Mike still worked, so I spent a lot more time with Si than he did. I ended up being the one that got up and fed him and changed him. I investigated cloth diapers and started using them. I took him to all his appointments. I washed his diapers. I cooked. I cleaned. I was tired a lot (especially because newborns don't sleep long stretches like us adults need). Rather than going to the store and thinking about what do Mike and I want to eat, I ended up spending some time in the baby section now too. Clothes, formula, gear (swing? bouncer? toddler bed when?) then food (stage 1? stage 2? WTF? Where's my phone, I need to Google that stuff), cups (is he old enough for this one?), silverware, self-feeding, do we need different plates for this little dude? Becoming a parent, having "parent" become part of my self, how I saw myself, was very quick for me. And maybe it is more so for women than it is for men because they carry the baby, they nurse the baby (maybe, if they can), things like that.

But even now, three years after having our first child in April 2010, I'm still the one who does a bulk of what I think of as "parenting prep." I buy Silas' clothes and shoes. I look at Sage and figure out if he's ready to size up (and find the buckets of those clothes and wash them to get them ready for when he does size up). That reminds me, Silas needs 5T pants - it's gotten chilly here and I have 2 pairs of pants for him only. 5T is a B to find! I get home from work and start putting together dinners for everyone - the boys usually eat the same thing and Mike and I eat the same thing. I get pajamas ready so that when baths are done PJs and diapers are ready to go. I make sure post-bath milk cups are ready. I do the laundry so everyone has clean clothes. I clean up after dinner (sometimes with Mike, sometimes without). I wash diapers. I wash the boys' wool PJs. Mike does baths. We wrangle wet boys. They drink milk, watch a show, then we brush teeth and read a book. Then the bedtime struggle ensues (for Silas). Now it's, "But I have to poop!" He's gotten up to use the potty twice since I sat down to write this. Mike thinks it's a stall tactic but most nights he does actually poop.

That's me (not really)

So where is the "self" in all of this? I mean sure you can see how I define my self in relation to my children. I'm their Mommy, Momma, Mamama (Sage). I spend most of my time doing for others, and most days I'm fine with that. Every once in a while I wish I could go back to that time where I sat on my couch in my attic apartment in Providence, RI and knitted until I was tired and went to bed when I wanted to (rather than going to bed because everyone else is finally in bed and I'm quite literally brain exhausted). I go running some days. I exercise at least 30 minutes a day (but usually there's at least one child attempting to "help" or copy me). I blog (at 10 p.m. under a camouflage blanket where nobody can see me). I've been reading the same "for fun" book since June. And no it's not 1,000 pages long.

My kids aren't old enough yet for sports and we don't know enough kids for play dates, so I'm betting that the time I spend with them watching movies or playing dinosaurs (today it was rockets) will change and I'll spend my time driving them to and fro. I don't see the amount of time I have to spend on "me" or even with my husband changing any time soon. I wish I could change it just a little bit, but if I did I think I'd feel guilty. I work 40+ hours per week. Mike worked 55 hours last week. The boys hang with their nanny more than they do with us. We see them for an hour in the morning (and that's "get dressed and get your butts in the car") and three and a half hours at night, and that's it on the week days. Weekends we spend more time together, but I feel as if that's "make up" for all the time we didn't spend Monday - Friday.

In the end, as a parent, any parent, single or not, it's hard not to lose your self in parenting. It's hard to not focus on "being someone's Mom" and to instead focus on what you as a human, as an adult, want. I bet that's why people have trouble with "empty nest syndrome" or whatever you want to call it - once you don't have your kids to define you anymore, what do you do? Who are you? It's like you need to rebuild that self from the ground up.

What do you think that you can do to maintain some sense of "self" as a parent? Do you think it's possible?