Response to Breastfeeding Bridesmaid Huffington Post Blog

This is in response to a recent blog posted on the Huffington Post by Sandy Malone.

Why this article made me mad...

A friend of mine recently sent me a blog article because it specifically mentioned Puerto Ricans and breastfeeding. She wanted to hear my opinion on this and I promised her I would let her know what I thought...after I cooled down a bit. Here goes...

In the article, written by what we can only think is a wedding planner of some sort, a bride has a dilemma: her maid of honor wants to bring her baby to her wedding (no kids allowed), and she's a all-out-in-the-open breast feeder. Apparently, because the bride's family is Puerto Rican and Catholic, they don't agree with nursing out in the open. The author of the blog goes on to say that the bride needs to have a talk with her because this chick isn't her friend if she's trying to bring her baby and nurse no matter what in the open. THAT is when I exploded.

Public breastfeeding

While Puerto Rico has a law in place for breastfeeding advocacy, it was only passed in 2004. I'm Puerto Rican, folks. It takes us all a minute to adjust to new things. I say this because in 2008, I had to breastfeed in a changing room in the mall in Ponce, because I would be "more comfortable" there, and for the record, I had a nursing cover on. No one saw a thing.  It made me sad. I wasn't showing anything but I heard people making comments, because everyone has an opinion on everything in Puerto Rico, even if it goes against fact.

When I gave birth to Pixy and mentioned to some family members that I was going to breastfeed, I was asked why I would do that, because I worked, I had money, I could afford formula. Don't get me started on what they said when I started using cloth diapers! I heard things like: breast milk will constipate the baby, your boobs will be a mess, it's hard work. I agree on the hard work part, sometimes pumping is a bitch, and I have nothing against formula, having used it to supplement the babies while my milk production caught up with demand, not to mention to get Pixy to get fat. However, part of my family, who happens to be more humble, applauded my decision: it's natural to do, it's free, why not? I felt a little sad that I wasn't getting support in my choice to breastfeed. Not like I needed. It was uncharted territory and I was on my own. My own mother didn't breastfeed me, and even though she's often said it was due to the fertility drugs she was using and also her anxiety (people would tell her old wives tales, like her boobs would get ruined by it, and only country bumpkins did that), part of me feels like it was easier for her to not have to deal with everyone giving you their two cents. In addition for a while in Puerto Rico, formula seemed to be pushed on mothers, especially those who worked and were well-educated: it will help you keep your independence and be a good mom too. Interesting, huh?

How does this relate to this article? I think the bride's family belongs to the group of people who remain stuck in that weird conservative pocket, where breastfeeding is about showing off ones boob and not feeding the baby. In my experience, this happens in pockets on the island, mainly in smaller towns and not the metro area, Catholicism has nothing to do with it, and if you're covered, it's fine to do. Most of the problem is when a woman exposes herself completely to nurse, as Puerto Rico is still a very male-centric society. Men will stop to look at a boob, it's just the way it is. Not always though.  There have been nurse-ins at malls and other places, so that myths about breastfeeding are dispelled and more mothers turn to breastfeeding. The face of breastfeeding is changing on the island. In 2010, I breastfed Banshee in a restaurant in Guánica with no problem or uncomfortable looks from anyone. This city is far away from the metro hotspots of Ponce or San Juan. So, there is that. To use religion as a blanket to cover up someone's misguided opinion is crazy. Granted, the church in Puerto Rico is a little more traditional than those here, it has not denounced breastfeeding in any way. To me, it sounds like the bride's family just wants a little more control of the situation.

That didn't get me upset though. What really got me mad was the "no kids allowed at my wedding because I'm the center of the universe" comment. It bugged me because she's Puerto Rican. In our culture, everyone and their best friend gets invited to weddings, with children being welcome,
because they are part of the family. Children to Puerto Ricans are worth their weight in gold, in my experience. To deny them at an event of happiness and love, is to deny family. Same goes for when a bride turns into a spoiled brat, whining about gown lengths, hairstyles, guests, food, and her in-laws.
Really?! This just turned into a "thing" because of the Bridezilla reality show phenomenon that is so popular. I find it silly and selfish to expect everyone to bow down to you simply because it is a special occasion you happen to be holding. Even more silly, when a professional, hired to aid in wedding preparations, thinks this behavior is perfectly sound. Because happy brides just don't make for interesting wedding stories. Sigh!!  It  should be about getting family and friend together to celebrate happiness, catch up with everyone, eat copious amounts of food, make up new words, and use Windex as a cure-all. Know what I mean?  Have we lost the joy of simplicity because we've gotten lazy? When did it become OK to foist your opinions on someone else? Why is this kind of thing OK?

Yeah, the breastfeeding thing is sad. Women are fighting constantly about which one is the one to do, not the one that is best for that specific woman and her family. We should support each other. Period. No matter what. There are places all over the world who struggle with things that we take for granted, so to fight over which way is best to feed a baby, seems trivial in the grand scheme of things. This, however, is slowly getting fixed in Puerto Rico, and attitudes toward both breastfeeding and formula-feeding are changing through advocacy and education. So that part of that article, while frustrating, doesn't upset me as much as the wedding planner's opinion that the maid of honor should bow out of her position because of her selfishness for wanting to a) brain her baby and b) by feeding her child on demand. Wow. Just wow. That's the real infuriating part. Here are my choice words for the wedding "professional": educate yourself, dear. Grow up, your immaturity, as seen in your opinion if what the bride should do, is showing.  To comment on things you have no experience with, is ridiculous. The point is not to propagate ignorance, but to use these "teachable moments" to create change. You missed the mark, girlfriend. As I sit here typing this while breastfeeding my son, I think...what a damn shame! It saddens me.

This is simply my opinion on the matter. I mean, I'm just a Puerto Rican Mama to 5 kids. What do I know?

Have you encountered any opinion pieces that have riled you up? Share with us in the comments. 



Photo courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net  "Mother Is Breast Feeding For Her Baby" by Jomphong

What We Learned: December 15th edition

Always learning. Not a bad thing!! Here's what the Mamas have been up to this week:

Lisa:

1. I learned that after years of hoping and praying, the girls are die-hard Tim Burton fans. They were enthralled watching the Corpse Bride. Yesssssss! Apparently, the bride "kicks ass" and Banshee has declared that the notoriously dark music (Danny Elfman) makes her happy. ;)

2. I am feeling a bit of pressure to get well soon from my third C-section, since Sailor goes back to work this week. So, we ran some errands together yesterday and we were able to get Cubby's birth certificate. I felt like I climbed Everest!! One huge tradition here that didn't quite start as a tradition, is I like to get the kids their passports as soon as they're born or early on, as another form of ID. It started because we had to take a trip to the Philippines when Pixy was 6mos old and it remained as a "thing to do" for us. Not a bad thing to do, especially as a military wife. I hate having to carry a letter of permission from Sailor that states he knows I'm taking the kids on a trip without him for the airport staff, honestly. IDs are good!

3. I learned that I must look a sight because the librarian, who'd been hounding me to return a book I had already returned, took pity on me and removed it from my account. I told her I felt horrible because books are sacred to our house and I had ransacked the whole house looking for it....anyway, since my voice isn't quite back to its strong self due to the CSec...I must have sounded pitiful. Haha! I am STILL looking for that book in case, but man...it feels nice to not worry about it. It was a really nice book.

Liz:

1. I was reminded (didn't really learn it this year) that toddlers and Christmas trees are bad news bears. We put up our tree Friday. Silas was SO EXCITED to see a tree when he came home from school. "DADDY LOOK A CHRISTMAS TREE! OH MY GOODNESS! IT'S SO AWESOME!" That made me smile. But then once we started putting ornaments on Sage was taking them off as fast as we were putting them on, and breaking half of them. Gah! Now we have to constantly be on Tree Watch so Sage doesn't steal ornaments and break them.

Sage and Silas' Christmas tree

2. Tomorrow marks my first day of "break" from work (I'm a college professor remember). I always have all these great aspirations for break: read this book, re-prep this class...blah blah blah. This year I'm being realistic. Read (but not finish) my current book. Prepare all my classes (it's pretty easy, usually takes all of five days). Wrap Christmas presents. Enjoy my kids. Cook some yummy dinners. Done.

3. Last week I started getting back into meal planning and I forgot how much fun I used to have during the summer finding new things to make and seeing how they turned out. This week I've got three beef slow cooker recipes going on and two nights of chicken. I'll let you know what turns out the best!

Robyn:

I've learned that while pumping in the car people stare in like I have 3 heads. Then, they have a shocked look on their face when they see a little side boob. Hey, at least the main parts are covered up! 

 I've learned that the jolliest time of year is the biggest time to be an A-hole in traffic. Is this year's theme to have a 'White knuckle Christmas?' Seriously, shoppers. Calm down. 

From a student standpoint, I've learned that the national poison control number is 1-800-222-1222. It's easy to remember and worth keeping in the back of your headin case if emergency. 

Now it's your turn - tell us one thing you learned, recognized, or thought about this week! Let us know in the Comments.

Keep Calm and Pump on

This past week, I've been trying to pump and get a good supply together in preparation for going back to work in a few weeks. It's been quite difficult to produce extra with baby number 3. I mean, with picking up Kasen in the early afternoon, waiting for Sean's bus, and taxi-ing Bailey to practices 3-4 times a week, it leaves hardly any time to pump for Reagan.

I was running out of options and damn near ready to give in. Just then, I turned to the best of BF advice in Oklahoma, my sister. She is a RN and has practiced midwifery for many years. Her advice is always helpful and I'm thankful to have her to turn to. She understands exactly what I mean (I think she's seen it all, folks!) and uses homeopathy. She believes in natural and organic remedies when a client has a dilemma. (No artificial crap, or unnecessary prescriptions) She preaches on eating right, and not pumping chemicals into a woman's body to have a healthy pregnancy, delivery and recovery. Its not like the cavewomen back in the day could get a Vicodin script for a headache. I mean, how did they survive? Must've been rough (Yes, that's sarcasm).

I told my sis what kind of pump I was using, and she opened my eyes to the misconceptions of the sellers. If that particular brand also sells formula, do you think they would design a pump to help you exclusively breastfeed? Wow, holy smokes. She's right. Ain't that some BS? Here I am (and many other women too), trying to do the right thing. Im trying to provide my baby with the right nourishment for her first year of life. I bought a (shi-tay, but not cheap) breast pump only to be set up for failure. Whats worse, I gave them my trust (and dollar bills) just to be lied to. Thanks. Just awesome. 

But, I still won't let them get me down! No way, no sir-ree! After they took my money and a smidgen of my pride, I'm more determined than ever to be successful at BF'ing!!!

So, you wanna know the secrets to pass on? Huh, do ya?! Then, read on my friends.

Mother's Milk tea, by Tradional Medicinals. 

I've been drinking 3 cups a day, for 3 days and have successfully pumped last night and this morning (5 oz each time. Can I get a 'Hell yeah'?!)

More milk plus by Motherlove. 

It's en route, and I can update when I know more. Its a little bit pricey, but highly recommended as far as effectiveness goes. So, we shall see. 

Dark German beer.

Dark beer has more hopps and helps stimulate milk production. Also, since breastfeeding requires more calories, this can help with daily caloric intake. I tried this, but it made my tummy bubble (all night and all day) and that's no fun. 

The last thing my sister recommended was to take Fenugreek and Blessed Thistle, 2 capsules, 3 times a day. I haven't tried this one personally. I'm taking on one option at a time and will try these if all else fails. 

My sister and I are not doctors and provide no professional medical advice. Please take this into consideration while sharing the advice on this blog. I listen to her because I know she knows what she's talking about. We're family. I trust and love her, and am thankful for her wisdom. 

Lets spread the good word. Do you have any advice for increasing a milk supply? What does and does not work? 

Bloggers Chat about Breastfeeding for World Breastfeeding Week

Liz: August 1st through 7th is World Breastfeeding Week. If I remember correctly the whole month is National Breastfeeding Month. I wish we lived in a world where we didn't have to have weeks and months to remind us about our feeding options for children, but I think that's the goal - acceptance and support. After reading a post from the Huffington Post about bloggers suggesting we support all moms and their feeding choices, I knew that it would be interesting to dialogue with my fellow Mama(s) about their choices and how they made them feel.

How many children do you have and how old are they?
Liz: Two boys, Silas and Sage, 3 and 1.

Lisa: Two girls, Pixy and Banshee, 5 and 3. One boy, Cubby, in utero.

Robyn: 3 boys, Bailey, 14, Sean, 8 Kasen 5, and 1 girl, Reagan, 1 month

Did you breast feed, formula feed, supplement breast with formula...?
Liz: I formula fed with both of them. I initially tried breast feeding but wasn't able to do it.

Lisa: I breastfed both of the girls for 11 months and they weaned themselves. With Pixy, who was a tiny 5lb thing, I supplemented with formula to fatten her up.

Robyn: Breasfed all the way. Step-son Bailey was formula fed.

Why did you make the choices you made?
Liz: I had high risk pregnancies after having a stroke in 2008. I took medication that decreased blood clotting and apparently influenced milk production. After both boys were born I tried to feed them both for about 3 weeks. I put a lot more effort into it with Sage because I thought maybe I hadn't tried hard enough or long enough with Silas. But as soon as I stopped taking my anticoagulant medication my milk completely dried up both times. So sometimes it feels like formula was a choice and other times I think it was a choice made for me by my body.

Lisa: Honestly, we are a military family on a budget. I knew that formula was expensive and I figured I would give breastfeeding a try. It was difficult, because all the women close to me had formula fed and I didn't get the support I needed. This was something women with no other recourse did, not someone from this century. But, I stuck to my conviction to try and if it didn't work, there was always formula. I am all about rolling with the punches.

Robyn: It just seemed natural. Plus, breastfeeding burns calories!

How did you feel about your choices?
Liz: With Silas when I finally decided to only FF I felt guilty like I was doing my kid a disservice. Even though I knew I'd done everything I could. When I decided to FF only with Sage I felt less guilty because I'd been through it before and knew that feeling guilty was silly - it wasn't like I was not feeding my kid.

Lisa: I was at peace with all of my choices. My body said it was "all systems go" to breastfeed and I felt I did it well. Every once in a while, I do feel guilty that I didn't ask the girls to breastfeed longer, but honestly, if they were ready to stop at 11 months I wasn't about to force the issue. I think we have all turned out great.

Robyn: I felt great knowing that my body was put here for a purpose (not just for dudes to check out my rack).

What do you wish you could tell other moms who are facing the challenges related to choosing how to feed their child(ren)?
Liz: I teach child psychology classes and even though the books don't talk about this, I do. We talk about feeding options. I talk about BFing and the services available to help (lactation consultants at the hospital, BFing classes before baby's born, La Leche League mentors, etc.). I also remind students that sometimes, moms don't choose to FF and relay my experiences. I also talk about how sometimes Mom is sick and can't BF and these are all things we need to think about before we look askance at someone who's feeding their kid in public in a way that we didn't choose. I would love to tell Moms of the world to put all the Mommy War social comparisons aside and just support each other. You know how hard it is to mommy (and if you don't yet, you will). Why add that extra stress of being crappy to each other over feeding strategies? Feed your kid. Bam.

Lisa: Do what you think is best, regardless of what information is out there. When it comes to mommyhood, there is no right answer! All children are different, all Mamas are different! Why should we pressure each other to fit a certain mold? Some women will be able to breastfeed with no problem, others might require the help of formula. As mamas, we can never truly prepare for everything, but we can educate ourselves and support each other, to make the right choices for us. Mommyhood is not going to be stress-free, not by a long shot, just get it done and be happy.

Robyn: To grow into the idea of telling society to beat it! Sometimes it's not just the mom's decision, it's what works best for the family. Find the support you need (friends, family, other moms, groups, discussion forums) when you make the decision of breast or bottle. Once you have support, you'll feel more confident that you're doing the right thing.

How would you answer these questions? If you're a mom, what was your feeding experience like and how did people respond to it?

Things We Learned This Week (August 4th Edition)

Our first group post! We're excited!

So the prompt is, "What did you learn this week?"

Liz:
1)  I learned I hate car shopping. It makes me anxious. My husband somehow has a 0 credit score. How is this possible? We've bought two houses before. I don't get it. But we are now the proud er...not owners...drivers...payers...of a 2013 Honda Pilot. And it rocks my socks. And Silas decided this week that he likes it too (at first he wanted to "Take ih back and geh our car"). Driving an SUV is way different than driving the Prius. This will take some getting used to.

2)  Sage has slept through the night twice. I'm not sure what's going on. Before he was waking up and going right back to sleep if I changed his diaper. Now...he wakes up, mehs a few times, and puts himself back to sleep. I like it. Become the new norm please. Of course now I can't sleep though.

3)  Coordinating the blog with two lovely mamas is interesting to start off with. I'm a control freak and I'm handing over some to two friends...if anyone sees me freak out, understand why. Love my girls!

4)  Quitting smoking (in May) has made it so much easier to run. I ran for 10 minutes straight (2x in one session) twice this week. And I wasn't dying when I finished. Soaked in sweat, yes, but not cardio dying. Go me.

Lisa:
1) I learned that "see you laters" are just as hard as "goodbyes". Banshee has graduated from her preschool at Kennedy Krieger and during the party, after showing much improvement in behavior and social skills, she shut down on me. No talking, no smiling, just hiding behind me. It was sad. Banshee was not happy that she was done with school and even more unhappy that she wasn't going to see her teachers everyday, just for visits here and there. It was a very hard concept to prepare for and with all the change going on in our lives, I felt horrible that I couldn't shield her from something like this. We will keep muddling through together though. She is much better today!

2) Finding the time to continue jotting down "simple joys" in my Simple Joy journal. Let's face it, the day fills up like crazy for Mamas and the last thing you want to do is pick up a pencil to write down the most enjoyable moment of the day "What do you mean? NOW! When I am in bed!" But, taking the 5 minutes to really think about what made you smile and write down a couple of sentences, is fast becoming an enjoyable experience.

3)Breaking the news of our pregnancy and the sex of the baby. This floored some people, mainly because I am 5 months along and no one knew. We had to keep it secret for a bit, due to some early complications, but Mr.Cubby is determined to stay in there and meet everyone in December. I am panicking a little too...I have no boy gear. Sigh!

4) Being unplugged every once in a while, is not a bad thing. I found the time I had been messing around on Facebook, I used it for other tasks around the house. Mainly, helping to get things ready for our move and ::gasp:: read uninterrupted! Woohoo!

Robyn:
1) For all the BF moms, there has been some controversy over why babies get 'that drunk look' on their faces after BF'ing. You know, the glazed over and half open eyes while their body is as limp as a dishrag while trying to burp? Well, get this! It has been linked to the THC receptors in a baby's brain. (Seriously?!) That's right, breast milk will inadvertently get your baby high! I almost spit out my drink (and hopefully didn't cause you do to the same) while reading this BOGUS article. Hmmm..that must be why my other kiddos are so smart. Because I got them "high" for 10 months. Sheesh!

2) Having a postpartum (gyno) appointment is apparently not the time to multi-task. After being put in a room and being told "It will be a while, there are 3 more ahead of you", I cringed. Not only is this appointment not a favorite, but parking is charged by the half hour. So, I decided to do what any busy mommy would do with our precious time: Multi-task. While breastfeeding, I was on the phone with a cruise line (my kids Christmas present this year. I know, genius idea!). I hear a knock at the door, and in walks the doc. Pretty sure I had the deer in headlights look as my doc asks "So, YOU'RE not ready yet?" Clearly not, doc! Pants still on, drape sitting nicely folded in a square on the exam table, and a baby on the boobie. Here I was, trying to explain to two men (with completely different occupations) what was going on. Let me say that it felt very uncomfortable knowing one wanted to get in my pants, and one wanted to take my money. Good thing I know which one was which!

3) For those with teenagers: There is a new game called Oreo (as explained by my 14 year old). While sitting with a group of friends (guys and girls), one teenager will ask another one "out". Out meaning being to have the BF/GF title at school only. The purpose is to see who really likes who. Yep. That's it. Simple. Hey, no complaints from this parent! This is the only time I'm thankful for my children growing up to be technology geeks. At the age of 14, I was thinking about more than just "going out" with boys. Heck, my mind was in the gutter! I was thinking about doing ______ (Feel free to fill in the blank with comments).

What did you learn about yourself or others this week? We'd love to hear about it in the comments.

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